the dungeon bat's last laugh
by LM Ryder aka The Lethal Weapon
Summary: Ron does soemthing in Potions that he shouldn't do and a very angry Professor Snape exacts revenge in a very cerebral way... Ron, Molly and Dumbledore bashing rated T for one abbreviated swear. this story is loosely based on the Natasha Riddle series...


The Dungeon Bat's Last Laugh by LM Ryder © JK Rowling

Other than, for the bubbling of cauldrons, the potions classroom was silent.

Professor Severus Snape, biological father - though he did not know it yet - of both Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, swept around his dungeon classroom sneering at the Gryffindors and praising his Slytherins.

He was about to return to his desk at the front of the classroom when he noticed that one Ronald Billius Weasley was not paying attention to his potion at all. Instead, the arrogant little horror was drawing in his copybook.

He was drawing what looked like... an overlarge bat, with a hooked nose, long greasy black hair, cold dark eyes and...

DEVIL HORNS, A FORKED TONGUE AND A POINTY TAIL!

"Why that little..." Professor Snape muttered furiously, contemplating his next move... "Oh but of course" he hissed.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Harry and Draco watching the drama unfold. They did not dare to look at each other for they knew that if they did they would most assuredly laugh and thus they would blow Professor Snape's advantageous position sky high.

Professor Snape pressed a warning finger to his lips and continued to stand there, glowering at Weasley, until an idea struck him. Without moving and without a word, he made Weasley look like his monstrosity of a drawing. As Weasley - who took a lot of pride in his looks - felt the changes in his appearance, he began to panic.

Then...

Weasley looked up and noticed Professor Snape standing right behind him!

"Give me the parchment Weasley" Snape growled "NOW"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Weasley replied insolently with a sneer plastered upon his freckled face.

"Excuse me?" Snape hissed, raising a warning eyebrow.

"I SAID... I don't know what you're talking about," said Weasley in a loud patronising voice and then he muttered "you stupid great bat"

"Right" said Snape his voice positively dripping sarcasm, "let's see," he added pacing up and down at Weasley's side. "drawing a satirical picture of a professor while you're supposed to be concentrating on your potion; verbally disrespecting and patronising said professor and disrupting the class with your antics... that will be EIGHT HUNDRED AND FIFTY points from Gryffindor!"

Snape paused to relish the horror on Weasley's face for just a moment before he added, "you also have three weeks of detentions with Mr Filch, and you can go and explain to Professor McGonagall why her house is now in last place in the house cup. I assure she will not be impressed, in fact, I warn you now, she may well in fact double your punishment! Your name will be mud with your fellow Gryffindors as well"

Ronald went scarlet with rage and Snape proverbially check-mated him as he said

"Oh yes, and I will be informing your mother of your conduct"

"YOU... EVIL... EFFING DUNGEON BAT!" Weasley shrieked "THREATENING ME WITH MY MOTHER, TAKING 850 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR AND NOT SEEING THE FUNNY SIDE OF THE CARICATURE... I HATE YOU! YOU GIT!"

There was a deadly silence, icy cold as though a Dementor were in the room.

"ENOUGH" barked Snape "WEASLEY YOU HAVE JUST LOST ANOTHER TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY POINTS FOR GRYFFINDOR AND YOU HAVE JUST EARNED YOURSELF A TRIP TO THE HEADMASTER!"

"HE'LL REWARD ME FOR IT BECAUSE HE HATES YOU SNIVELLUS" the temperature in the room rose several degrees, as did the colour in Snape's normally pallid complexion. Harry and Draco gasped as the rest of the Slytherins froze.

Snape's face was now a nasty shade of purple

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME WEASLEY?" he roared

Before Weasley could answer however, a cold clear voice with the slightest hint of a sneer said, "Actually I think you will find that you have been expelled from this school"

Professor Snape turned around and with a respectful bow he said

"Ah, Professor Riddle, welcome."

"Thank you for the kind sentiments Severus, much appreciated. I just wanted to let you know that I am calling a school assembly all students and teachers are required to attend it. The old coot's regime is at an end and it's time the masses knew of it."

"Of course Headmaster"

Weasley turned around and saw the skeletal threatening figure of Tom Riddle standing before him and he turned chalk white and passed out.

"Let's leave him there for just now shall we?" said a highly amused Professor Riddle

"Indeed" replied Professor Snape with a malevolent grin

"All right fourth years, you heard the headmaster, go up to The Great Hall for the assembly, I will follow."

The class filed out, Harry and Draco bringing up the rear. Snape put an arm around each of the two as they passed the still comatose Weasley brat and all three laughed loudly.

The End.

AN: The inspiration for this story came from something that actually happened on the set of one of the Harry Potter movies... (I think it was the first one) involving Rupert Grint, Alan Rickman and (I think) Daniel Radcliffe... there's a video about it on YouTube where Rupert Grint admits that Alan Rickman is just as scary as Professor Snape!


End file.
